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  • "Most people think of love as a feeling," says David Richo, "but love is not so much a feeling as a way of being present." In this book, Richo offers a fresh perspective on love and relationships--one that focuses not on finding an ideal mate, but on becoming a more loving and realistic person. Drawing on the Buddhist concept of mindfulness, "How to Be an Adult in Relationships " explores five hallmarks of mindful loving and how they play a key role in our relationships throughout life: 1. " Attention" to the present moment; observing, listening, and noticing all the feelings at play in our relationships. 2. " Acceptance" of ourselves and others just as we are. 3. " Appreciation" of all our gifts, our limits, our longings, and our poignant human predicament. 4. " Affection" shown through holding and touching in respectful ways. 5. " Allowing" life and love to be just as they are, with all their ecstasy and ache, without trying to take control. When deeply understood and applied, these five simple concepts--what Richo calls the five A's--form the basis of mature love. They help us to move away from judgment, fear, and blame to a position of openness, compassion, and realism about life and relationships. By giving and receiving these five A's, relationships become deeper and more meaningful, and they become a ground for personal transformation.